She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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