Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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