It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
