Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
