remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
