Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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