and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
