I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
