dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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