I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize