My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
