I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
