the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
