Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
