There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
one might say we're banned from that church
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
