I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
