I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
