Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
