i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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