Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Quick, to the slutcave!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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