i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Randomize
