its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize