is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
