Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
where are you?
Hypothermia
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
