yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
