party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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