I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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