He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
