Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
