end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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