There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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