bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
