the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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