He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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