So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
