sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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