they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You made out with two different species that night
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
