I cannot find my penis.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize