I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The Olympian is in my bed
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