Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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