im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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