My friends, they love my intelligence
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
