gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
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