This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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