I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
