Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
