I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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