No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
