nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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