literally had 100 drinks last night.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
