i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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