I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
