Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think your dad took our porno
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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