U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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