hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
