its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
