did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
