You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
