i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
