Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
