i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
