he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
