Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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