i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
