The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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