i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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