so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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